Coaching: It's Not What You Think It Is

When you hear the word "coach," what is the first thing that comes to mind? If you are like me, probably a tough-as-nails sports coach laying into his team to push for the win. Perhaps it's a Tony Robbins-style sermon extolling the virtues of positive thinking and a "quitters never succeed" attitude. These approaches may be what's on offer from some in the coaching profession, but as an ICF ACC coach-in-training, I can say with confidence that most professional coaches do not use forced accountability or toxic positivity to push clients to their limits.

Now you may be asking: if coaching isn't about making me accountable and motivated, what's the point? This straight-forward question requires a two-part answer. First, let's address the accountability and motivation part.

Coaching, Accountability and Motivation

While accountability and motivation should be an aspect of all effective coaching disciplines, in the hands of a skilled coach, these stimuli should feel to the client as though they have come about organically.

Clients should never experience anxiety or dread in anticipation of the next coaching session because an inventory of all the ways they fell short will be adjudicated. A good coach helps identify and engage the client's own intrinsic motivation and accountability. And, in order to be truly transformational, these stimuli cannot be derived from common superficial sources. A skilled coach helps you find your true "why" and then helps you define measurable goals that will eventually navigate you to your desired destination.

If a client falls short of a desired outcome, this is an opportunity for deep exploration into what's blocking or sabotaging the client's movement toward self-realization -- or self-actualization -- depending upon the client's reasons for undertaking coaching and the coach's professional speciality. Guided introspection is where coaching can traverse similar ground as one might expect in psychological counseling, which focuses on a specific issue for a limited period of time.

This triggers another common misperception about coaching, which is: coaching is a way for unlicensed, inadequately educated and ill-trained people to offer counseling or therapy to vulnerable people. While coaching uses some similar modalities as counseling, it is not counseling. And while coaches should have some basic knowledge of psychology, it is definitely not clinical psychology or therapy. I am not a licensed mental health counselor or clinical psychologist; so I will not pretend to be an expert on the nuances that differentiate those two professions. For further exploration, I offer this Healthline article, "How To Choose a Counselor vs. Therapist." However, to resolve any ambiguity with coaching, let's briefly explore.

Therapy v. Counseling v. Coaching

My basic summary is clinical psychologists can diagnose mental pathology and work with patients to unravel very complex maladaptive behaviors that prevent them from adequately functioning in society. Clinical psychologists offer therapy. Whereas counselors usually specialize in a few specific common problematic aspects of the human experience and help individuals or family units who are overwhelmed, or who may lack needed skills, to better navigate those challenges. Counselors offer counseling. However, by necessity, there is a lot of overlap in the two disciplines. As an example, a person who has a drug addiction and a personality disorder may see a counselor who specializes in drug addiction, but also need a therapist to help with the personality disorder.

Now let's define what coaching is in contrast to therapy and counseling. Coaching is for people who: (1) have a specific outcome they wish to achieve; (2) recognize that they are challenged to realize this outcome without a skilled guide; (3) have adequate use of will (i.e., the capacity or faculty by which a human being is able to make choices and determine his or her own behaviors in spite of influences external to the person); and (4) are open to organic collaborative partnership. The latter aspect of coaching is what I believe really differentiates coaching from counseling. There is mutual growth and learning in coaching. In this manner, a coach's role is more like a trusted friend and an equal partner who has an ability to gently but firmly direct a client to transmute programmed ways of being that no longer support the client's satisfaction, desired outcome, or self-realization. At the end of a coaching session, both the client and the coach are transformed for the better. Coaching is an intellectual service that facilitates the client's own thought-provoking abilities, through guided introspection, which results in the client's self-actualization or flourishing, as it is referred to in positive psychology.

In summary, therapy and counseling are called for to help resolve perceived or actual deficits in being and/or functioning, whereas coaching aims to take a fully-functioning client to a destination of greater fulfillment and being. Therefore, key to the coach's ability to be successful with a client is to recognize the subset of people who may need to undertake therapy or counseling before they can benefit from coaching. This is an ethical necessity for any ICF-certified coach. In fact, the ICF Code of Ethics obligates its member coaches to refer a client to an appropriate mental health specialist, when needed.

Growth-oriented individuals may benefit more from coaching when they are facing a challenge they desire to move beyond but find they are unable to make change "stick," or perhaps are overwhelmed at where to even start to make a change. Even small behavioral changes can sometimes be too entrenched to tackle alone. When therapy or counseling cease to be effective to move you in the direction you wish to go, coaching may be the revelatory solution you've been missing. I say this from my own personal experience.

“At the core of it, coaching is beneficial when: (1) a client is experiencing a desire to go beyond their comfort zone; (2) a client feels compelled to make change because their current way of being in life or work is causing significant discomfort or suffering; or (3) dramatic change has been thrust upon a client creating circumstances never before dealt with so as to trigger an existential crisis or paralysis to manage with confidence.”

Now let's revisit the second part of the original question, which was, what is the point of coaching?

The Point of Coaching

The answer is, it depends. There are hundreds of coaching disciplines and thousands of coaches. The combination of personality, personal experience, professional training and discipline creates a personal service as unique as each client. At the core of it, coaching is beneficial when: (1) a client is experiencing a desire to go beyond their comfort zone; (2) a client feels compelled to make change because their current way of being in life or work is causing significant discomfort or suffering; or (3) dramatic change has been thrust upon a client creating circumstances never before dealt with so as to trigger an existential crisis or paralysis to manage with confidence.

The first type of client will benefit from identifying the specific domain in which they are desiring change and find a specialist coach in that domain. For example, growing a business, starting a business, physical wellness, leadership, organizational skills, etc. The second type of client will benefit from working with a coach who is skilled at helping people engage in productive introspection to gain clarity before action is taken. For example, the client may have an idea as to the source of their difficulty, but the actual crux of the discomfort or desire may illuminate a different solution the client would have been unable to identify on their own. This ensures actions taken to resolve the client's need will be effective and transformative.

As with counseling or therapy, the combination of coach and client is paramount to a successful experience. Most coaches are happy to provide a free consultation to ensure the right fit exists before providing paid coaching services. Schedule a free consult to see if psychospiritual coachng is a good fit for you.

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